Approaching the Abyss
by Belief Among Unrest
Summary: A scene in which Jace is pulled into and out of the abyss. Spoilers for City of Glass!


Quick oneshot about Jace's travel to the abyss.

* * *

All there was was darkness.

I could barely recall what was there before the blackness. I can slightly remember a flash of brilliant, horrifying silver, stellar pain, and blood. Lots of blood. Covering the ground, covering my shirt, positively pouring out of me, staining everything with vibrant red pain. Blood.

Blood I once thought was vile, tainted, the very definition of evil and impurity. Blood I wanted to drain from my body and replace with new, simply so I could feel less of a fiend, less of a monster.

Just so I could be with the one I love.

But I suppose that was all useless now. I haven't experienced this darkness, not once. But I knew exactly what it was. This was the darkness that taunted me every time I left the Institute armed head to toe with weapons meant to destroy evil, rid the world of this horrid race of unnatural obscenities. This void mocked me every time I was filled with regret for letting myself feel love, the _wrong_ love, toward the person who I loved the way that could only feel anything but wrong. This was death. I was gone.

It was final.

I was far from afraid. Fear was something I didn't allow myself to feel. It may be over now, I may finally have been claimed by the one thing I had tried so desperately to find but was never able to obtain, but I still could not let myself be afraid. I had spent my whole life fighting, and this would be no different.

But oh, how I wished I were back there again. Back on that bloody beach, the dark skies filled with millions of twinkling stars, completely unconcerned with the fact that all our meager lives were about to change. No, stars didn't care for us. They were their own, infinite messengers of the heavens, and they did not know pain, or death, or suffering. They did not know love. Not like I did, at least.

_Clary_. Even now, the word sends a stab of torment through my heart. We could finally be in love, she could finally be mine and me hers, but no, fate had to take me away from her again. All those days of her being stolen from me, and now that she if free of them, I have been taken, instead. _Clary, I love you,_ my mind calls out, knowing that the words will never reach her, _I always have, I always will, do not forget._

The blackness pokes at the edges if my mind, trying to pull me that last stretch, into that last resting place. It tugs at the part of my mind still capable of thought even in death. It's telling me to come to it, pulling me by my consciousness into that other place, the final rest. Maybe if I could cry out, I would, but maybe even here I would stick to my stubborn pride and take it like a man. But maybe that ship sailed when Clary entered my life.

Her name pierces my mind again, accompanied this time by a voice.

"Jace," I hear her say quietly, like a prayer.

"Clary," I try to say. But nothing comes out. I can't speak; all I hear is her saying my name, echoing, echoing, through wherever I am. "Clary, bring me home," still, nothing.

I want to cry. For the first time ever I want to cry like a little boy, the little boy I never was. Cry for my lost childhood, my parents who never existed to me, my new family where I never truly fit in, all the lies that brought me here, the pain I've inflicted and that has been inflicted on me, and the love I lost, even though it shouldn't have been mine to begin with.

But it always was. Brother or not, Clary's love has always been for me, and only me. It sounds selfish and presumptuous, but I know. My love has only ever been for her too. Our destinies have been intertwined from the beginning, and there was no stopping it, no matter what. We were meant to be together.

But I suppose it no longer matters anyway. I can feel the darkness lifting, taking me to my final resting place. The distant sounds of waters penetrate my ears, and I feel sand beneath my hands. A beach? This is where I am in death?

I open my eyes.

The first thing I see is blood. It is so surprising that I lose my thoughts. There is blood everywhere, but it's mostly on me. I look down at myself in surprise before the memory registers.

I am alive.

My head snaps up immediately. My eyes lay on Valentine's dead body, a huge gaping hole evident in his chest, right where his heart should be. Maellartach and the Mortal Cup lay on the beach, now looking like a cursed sight to me. I'll never think of those instruments with anything but disgust ever again. Not after all the pain they've sent me through.

Then my eyes lay on the most beautiful sight. It's Clary, lying on the beach with her eyes closed, her wild fiery hair splayed out around her angelic face. At first I think she's hurt, but I notice no wounds, and her chest rises and falls at a normal rate. I go to her, and gaze at her face. Gosh, how beautiful she is.

"Clary," I say to her. "Open your eyes."

She does, and they snap open as soon as the last word comes out. She looks me over like she can't believe I am real. I smile tentatively at her, and I can see the small tears forming in her eyes.

This is where I was meant to be.

* * *

Hope you liked it!

Jace: Of course they did, I was in it. But wasn't I a little OOC?

Me: Nah, we all know you're a romantic at heart.

Jace: Only for my true love.

Clary: Aww!

Me: LOVE!

Jace: Private moment, go away.

Me: My page, your problem. -Takes snapshot-


End file.
